I have to write about this EMPTY NEST business. While I type Steven Curtis Chapman is singing... "it is a time for letting go...." wow... in light of what he has been through this year where his teenage son backed over his 6 year old daughter and killed her it brings new meaning to letting go. Nonetheless.... there are a myriad of emotions for this old Mom during this time even if it is not as severe as what the Chapman's are facing. For 25 years this girl's first identity and major task was a be a Mom.Now Charlie- I don't want you to feel bad about this... it is more than just letting you go... although that had it own sadness...what is really hard is that we have now reached the end of an era in our lives... that of daily parenting of children in our home. Besides that, we are now definitely middle aged which is a bit disconcerting to be sure.... After this year I realize that children often come back. Hannah for 8 months and Mick for a month... but when they do come back they are young adults and that makes it different. Actually Dan and I have greatly enjoyed our adult children and find that it is wonderful to be able to relate to them in new ways. We are delighted in who each of you are becoming! We feel so blessed but you aren't kids anymore.
Nonetheless- we are mourning.... the loss of those days of childhood for Hannah, Jeremy, Abby, Mick and Charlie... those days when your lives revolved around us... those days when there was hilarity and noise... noise and more noise. The days of every kind of camp, FBLA, FFA, ball games (one January there were 35 in our heyday)the buying of schools clothes and tennis shoes, 4-H animals, speeches, homework, proms, music lessons, ranch work complete with Dan's special CD, tramp basketball, Sunday night family prayer meetings (which you all pretended to hate), filling a whole pew in church, forts of every kind, VBS, Dan's Christmas plays, family mini-golf, our family mission trip to Mexico, NCAA family draw, camping trips, our one State Championship in 2002, birthday parties where you got the special person plate, Camp WYOBA, Geo Bee sessions, competive board games of any sort, family hearts, Labor Day bike rides with the Gudes, white board notes, Sunday night popcorn, Dad counted up 10 great vacations complete with fierce license plate games, New Years Eve fondue and, of course, Lynnie's over the top Christmas complete with Christmas music in September! And don't forget how Dad used to say "everybody in the bathroom" when things got quite crowded or our family walks with Sully, carving pumpkins, dying eggs, making Christmas cut-outs when the boys would always leave before finishing, and don't forget preparing the onions for holidays complete with hankies over your faces and all of our beloved pets especially Purrs and Rustler! And there was always this Mom taking a picture of it all! Besides all this we had eight grandparents always there to encourage, love and add to the fun of it all! Not many kids have 8 grandparents plus some amazing extended family standing behind you!
Not to make it all rosy....There were also mountains of laundry, socks that never matched, meal, meals and more meals, stained carpets, split everything, nagging over chores, holes in walls, animals that died, disappointing sporting teams and games, endless trips to Sam's, CD that was CD indeed, over-rated proms, a house that burned down, heart aches in the boyfriend/girlfriend department, nights and more nights of worry, some slip ups in judgment, some hay stacking in the steel building, walks back from far-out pastures to give you time to think over your offense, prayers and more prayers for your protection, safety and hearts that love God first and foremost.... It was not all gravy....Sometimes I was too busy... sometimes I was too task-oriented and was not sensitive (I operated from my choleric side a lot mothering five), sometimes I was overwhelmed. Sometimes I lacked good judgement, sometimes I was just plain tired and crabby....sometimes I yelled. I want each of you kids to know that mothering you took all this Mom had to give....and the Dad too... it wasn't perfect... it wasn't exactly what you each needed individually, at all times, and for that I want to go on record as saying... I am sorry. But please know that my mothering was done with love, and it was done with great prayer knowing that only God was going to take the seven of us and make us a family.
So I mourn, I know I speak for Dad too, all that was. This side of heaven it was pretty good I'd say. We watched God work a miracle in our midst after the deaths of Pam and Chuck. Never forget that.... no matter how hard life gets.... God does bring beauty from ashes.... He is faithful... He is your provider.... We hope you will tell your children this story over and over so it is not wasted. It is our family legacy. So Dad and I grieve, yet at the same time, we are overwhelmed with His goodness to us. We are proud of each of you and want you to know that this is always your home...
Dad and I now start in and we will "reinvent" ourselves (I will write about this later as it unfolds) but let us all reflect a bit.... It is empty indeed.... it is worth reflecting on....we miss you....
Love, Mom/Mother
5 comments:
Okay, so I grabbed a kleenex and read your Empty Nest post. (and I definitely needed the kleenex!)You certainly have the gift of putting my Empty Nest thoughts down in writing - although mine are on a smaller scale. Your family is amazing! I laughed (and cried) outloud at some of your memories and family times - so similar.
And now even though our children are out of the nest our parenting is not finished - it has just changed a bit. We are now "observers" instead of "project managers", "directors" and "supervisors". And God is faithful.....all of the time. I take great comfort in knowing He is always with my kids - even though I am not. My children, like yours, are my joy walking around outside of my heart.
And know this: Middle-aged life alone with my husband is glorious!
Mother,
I am glad we are all getting old enough to frame our thoughts about both the oh-so-good and the sometimes-hard parts of our family life.
It was a grand time, but I look forward to getting to know my parents and siblings in the next phase of life--who have have become and what we have chosen to pursue. It is a diverse and interesting group of people.
Ben and I are so glad to get some time with you and Dad this fall. I will cook for you and do laundry--I think you have it coming.
Love, love, love.
I agree this was a tear jerker...it is not often you see your life summed up in one blog post. I liked it and I love the way we grew up. Thanks Mom and Dad you did a good job...now take some time to RELAX! You earned it!
Jer
Lynn, I wondered when a meditation on the empty next would appear, and Hannah pointed out that it has. Yes, yes, and yes to everything (You mean your kids hated family worship too??) Our nest got pseudo empty last year (David still home) and looks like it will totally empty soon this fall. But we're very glad to have Abby and Ben with us for a whole week (to parent...no, treat as adults)! I've come to tell people who ask about our empty nest, "It's not altogether unpleasant:)." Yay--for not cooking supper every night, for stretches of uninterrupted time, for not laying half awake waiting for the back door to open and the last child to arrive home. Still it's sobering to be in a whole new era--how'd that happen?!
Meg-
I am asking the same question? Never had time before and it took me off-guard! How did all this take place and now we are definitely middle-aged?.!?!? Kind of feel like I lost a lot of time somewhere. Am reading a book called "What will I do with the Rest of my Life?" Brenda Poinsett- can get it on Amazon. A Christian lady who is putting my thoughts on paper. She suggests ongoing dialog with other women...you feel kind of alone. Thanks for being in communication! Thanks for hosting Abby and Ben!!! You guys are the best! XXOO
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